


More of a  Fantasy

by memeberd



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst and Fluff, Budding Love, F/F, First Time Gem Fusion, Mutual Pining, Spinel is emotionally clumsy but she is TRYING shes just kinda dumb, Spinel/Ruby/Sapphire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-10-12 09:51:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20562338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/memeberd/pseuds/memeberd
Summary: If you'd like to read a shippy isolated-from-any-sort-of-context oneshot about Garnet comitting herself to being there for Spinel, might I offer you this one?





	More of a  Fantasy

"Spinel, listen to me. The only person you can love right here, right now, is yourself. When you're confident in who you are, then you won't feel so alone."

"No, nonononono, you listen to _ me." _ Spinel chuckled sardonically. As she spoke, she stretched herself to increase her height and gestured like a bittered marionette. _ "_I've been stuck with nobody but myself for _ six thousand years! _ I'm _ sick. To death. OF ME!" _

"It's not your fault, Pink Diamond deserted you!"

"I just wish, I just wish…" Spinel said slowly. She took her eyes off Garnet, and still her beauty was leaving an imprint in Spinel's eyes. She closed them, and could only imagine of being enveloped in the kind of love that Garnet had for herself, seeing stars of purple, pink and blue dancing before her eyes and leaving her self hatred behind. Leaving herself behind, just like Pink did, for a better life. "...that I had somebody, like _ you _ did." Spinel risked another look. "You, _ Garnet, _ you got Ruby and Sapphire. I've got nobody. I just wish– I just _ wish, _ I had what you have."

At some point, Spinel had reached out for Garnet. She hadn't paid it much mind until she looked down when her palms gave her a tickle and suddenly there were Garnet's hands right on top. 

"I cannot love you _ for _ you." Garnet said, firm yet oh so perfectly gentle. "Nobody can do that, not Steven, not any of the Diamonds, and not Ruby and Sapphire. You have got to love yourself _ first. _ Or you'll self destruct every chance you get"

That tickling sensation melted into something more of a pulsing, and suddenly it hit her that _ Garnet was pressing her gems into Spinel's hands– _ and wouldn't it feel nice if they sunk in and she could close her fingers around them. The last thing Spinel saw was Garnet's brilliant eyes before she blinked, and suddenly she was as free as a burning flame, flickering amongst thoughts that weren't just her own. Emotions clumsily threw their arms around Spinel. There was curiosity. A "what if we did this?" There was submission. An "okay, just for a second." There was hot, and cold, and trembling electricity. There was an "I knew it would be nice," a "now that we're here, look at all these parts of me!" and finally, a "wait, what am I doing?"

Then suddenly Spinel was on the floor in a tangle with Garnet. Spinel sat up with a whiplike motion and looked at Garnet who had that rare humbled look of having tripped over her own two feet. Every part of Spinel that remained gnarled and knotted around Garnet hugged her tightly.

"_You let me fuse with you!" _

"Spinel, I'm sorry…" Garnet said, regret spilling out of her mouth. 

Spinel's gem nearly cracked under the fear that Garnet was about to apologize for having had a revolting experience with her just now and that it wasn't her fault but oh, it definitely _ was _ her fault if only she could just _ be a different gem! _

"...the truth is, I _ always _ wanted to know who we could be but it really isn't the right time I– I couldn't stop myself..."

Spinel's gem buzzed. She itched for more. She gave Garnet a lopsided, half lidded grin. 

"That excited, huh? Then let's do it again–"

The sensation of Spinel's chest pressing up against Garnet's was more than nice, but it wasn't what Spinel was going for.

"No." Garnet said.

Spinel frowned. "Why not?"

"You're not ready yet."

Spinel instantaneously detangled her messy limbs from Garnet and prodded a thumb into her chest with a tense, winding arm. "What do you _ mean _ I'm not ready yet? _ What did we just do?!" _

"You are still hurting, Spinel. Going into a fusion in such a state can be dangerous. When fusing, there must be a visible line between cohabitation and codependency."

"Well what about Sapphire and Ruby? You're codependent on each other _ every _ second of _ every _ day for _ however _ many thousands of years it's been! How am _ I _ any different from them?"

"_Sapphire and Ruby were never ashamed of themselves." _ Garnet's eyes, just barely visible from behind the visor, her gaze sunk deep into Spinel like sharp stakes. "You _ hate _ yourself, Spinel. _ I could feel it." _

There was a tinge of disgust in Garnet's voice. Was it actually disgust, Spinel wondered. She figured it was safe to assume that's what it was, given how it knocked Garnet's voice out and reduced it to something wispy and shaking. The thought alone punished Spinel with an agonizing guilt. Garnet was able to _ feel _ the way Spinel felt about herself? That thought alone whipped her hard. That wasn't fair, that wasn't how Spinel wanted Garnet to feel!

Wasn't fusion supposed to be a good thing? 

"_But the longer we stay fused I won't feel that way anymore!" _ Spinel hastily insisted, reaching for Garnet. Begging for another taste of her love. Her balance. Just if Garnet would let her– they'd feel so _ happy. _"_Just let me find myself in you!" _

"NO." Garnet grabbed Spinel's hands and held them down, yanking a sharp cry out of Spinel. "That's enough. Fusion is not an escape from what you dislike about yourself; it's a celebration of who you are with someone else." Garnet's grip on Spinel's hands softened. "You _ intend _ to find yourself, and that's good. But right now, you want to lose yourself, and we can't have that."

Spinel felt tears piercing her eyes. She averted her gaze from Garnet's. The guilt closed in now, and it constricted around her neck. She really _ was _ about to use Garnet, wasn't she? _ And Garnet knew it_.

Spinel cleared her throat but it didn't do much for her. "I'm sorry… I made you feel like that, then I _ really _ had the gall to complain when you didn't want to fuse again." She was shrinking away, she smiled but her pigtails drooped. "What am I thinking, right? I get it. I'd probably ruin you."

Garnet felt patience as she watched Spinel turn and walk away, not curled in on herself like a shamed outcast, but deflated just enough. _ Just _ enough that the fingers on her sagging arms dragged along the ground as she walked.

"_Spinel." _Garnet said, unable to keep from using a firm tone in her voice. "Don't act like you didn't see it, too."

Spinel stopped in her stracks, straight as a telephone pole. "I…" Then she hugged herself and slipped away.

What was this?

It was love. Unconditional and all consuming. For whatever reason, Garnet wanted to sandwich Spinel right between Ruby and Sapphire and never let her go.

She noticed the doubt that came with seeing unfiltered endless possible timelines. In most of them Garnet saw Spinel shimmering with a new identity she couldn't be ashamed of. In not as many, but still quite a lot, she saw herself inviting Spinel to join her with a third ring, to fuze with her permanently or just sometimes. But all of these outcomes were very far into the future, and they weren't safely guaranteed to happen. 

She also knew the silly little gem who danced with her at the end of the world concert. The gem with the kind, bright eyes who joined in comforting Garnet when she was a brand new experience of a fusion all over again. Told her she was pretty, even though she already knew that. The gem whose eyes remained bright and looked even brighter when she shed her old cuddly looking form for something sharper, darker, with bold black battle paint dragging down her cheeks. The gem whose endless energy and unusual way of movement made every inch of Garnet as excited as when Ruby and Sapphire came together to make her. 

At the very core of her being, Spinel was kind, and she habitually denied herself any personal acknowledgement of that. 

As much as she wanted to reach that moment where She and Spinel could say yes to a fun new lifestyle – occasional or constant – named _ Rubellite, _ Garnet wasn't in full control of whether Rubellite would ever walk the planet in their future or not.

This was going to take work. And it was worth it because not only was Spinel so affectionate and fun, it was worth it because it _ could _ work. Garnet was willing to put in her share, and it was highly likely that Spinel would do the same for her.

**___**

The following day, Spinel found herself dropping to her knees in grief before Ruby and Sapphire. Ruby couldn't help a laugh, while Sapphire smiled and watched Spinel's pigtails bob with the motion.

"_NOO!!" _ Spinel shrieked. "WHAT HAPPENED!? Did I–? is there anything I can do to–"

"Spinel," Sapphire silenced Spinel with almost a whisper. "it's alright."

"We just wanted you to see us is all." Ruby said with a shy voice.

"Oh, I'm sor– _ thank you." _If Spinel didn't stop smiling like that, she was going to get herself tackled. "So, um,"

Sapphire and Ruby excitedly leaned in, both smiling intently.

"Do you wanna forget about how much I hate myself with me?" Spinel asked with a disproportionately excited voice.

Ruby and Sapphire both laughed with amusement and took either of Spinel's hands.

"Oh!" Ruby piped up, "Have you had ice cream yet?" 

"I don't know what that is." Spinel answered.

"If you haven't guessed yet, we're going to go on a snack run." Sapphire explained. "And I think I prefer lava cake to ice cream..."

Spinel bounced with excitement, getting more appreciative laughter out of the two gems on either side of her.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm swimming out to my ship. With heavy bags under my eyes.


End file.
